I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
