I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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