Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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