i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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