Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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