Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
