Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
