found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
