I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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