when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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