If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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