We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
