btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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