so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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