I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
