I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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