He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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