the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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