Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
