Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
