I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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