i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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