just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Randomize
