so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
