Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
