i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
