you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
