Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
