where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
