Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
