she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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