hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
