Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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