someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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