I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
