She's JV to your varsity
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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