Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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