omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Text me some of your sweat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
