So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
