I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
