i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
