So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
