i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
