Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
