Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
