Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
