When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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