I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
