1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
