i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
