you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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