I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
