i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize