At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
