I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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