Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can i not drive my cunt home
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
