dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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