I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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