seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
