You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
