paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
