Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I want is dick and wine.
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