Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize