Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
