Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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