FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
