jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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