Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
