They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
