Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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